101 Alternates
by Usagi of Feudal Moon Era
Summary: Were you unsatisfied with the ending of Deathly Hallows? Would you prefer something, anything else? Take your pick. Here's 101 ways Harry Potter could have ended. Most will be humorous, stupid outcomes but some extremely serious and depressing.
1. An Unexpected Hero

_So here's my latest crazy idea. Because a lot of my friends and I were disappointed with the ending of the seventh book (and I'm sure some of you were too), here's a solution. __One hundred and one different alternatives for the ending of Deathly Hallows.__ Some serious, but most will probably be just stupid and hilarious. Hopefully I'll__ get enough ideas for this many__ chapters. If anyone has any ideas, I'll welcome them with open arms. Well, with no further ado, here's the first chapter._

_Disclaimer: Unf__ortunately, I was not born with__ the name Jo Rowling therefore I don't own any characters. No matter how badly I may want Fred and George.

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An Unexpected Hero

The duel was intense between the Dark Lord and the Boy Who Lived. Both were firing and dodging spells with increasing intensity. The crowd watched cautiously, hoping that good would prevail. In fact, everyone was so focused on the duel that no one noticed a certain poltergeist drift in carrying a bright orange water balloon which brilliantly matched his trademark accessory.

"Expelliarmus," Harry yelled.

"Avada kedavra," Voldemort retaliated.

"Expelliarmus."

"Crucio!"

"Expelliarmus!"

"Avada Kedavra!"

"Expelliarmus!"

"CRUCIO!"

"EXPELLIARMUS!"

Peeves wound around the debris crashing in through the roof and took a careful position above Voldemort. With expert aim that only comes from years of tormenting students, he streaked down, and slammed the balloon into the back of Voldemort's head which exploded on contact.

There was a gasp from the crowd and, in perfect unison, everyone craned their necks upwards where Peeves had flown back to. The duel had been momentarily forgotten as everyone stared at Peeves in utter bewilderment.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

Everyone snapped their heads back down to regular eye level where Voldemort resembled a quickly melting candle. There was a puddle at the Dark Lord's feet and it was growing larger as he shrank.

"I'm melting! MELTING!!!! Oh what a world, what a world."

Voldemort's face sank and melded with the puddle and as the last of his face disappeared, a bubble rose to the top and then popped.

The whole of the Great Hall was silent as Harry approached the puddle and poked it with his wand. When nothing more happened, the crowd burst into cheers. Peeves did a victory lap of the Great Hall singing an improvised victory song.

"Oh Peevesie's a hero, he bashed Voldy dead. And Voldy's a puddle now let's party and get fed."

And that is how Peeves the Poltergeist earned the respect of the whole wizarding world-except Filch. It is said that he is circulating a petition around Hogwarts, still trying to have him banished.

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_Well, there's the first chapter. I don't know how my updating habits will be for this __fic__ because this semester is going to be kind of crazy but I'll update as I can. And the more reviews I get, the faster I'll update. So if you want to see more, REVIEW!!!!!!! It's just that little purple button on the bottom left side. _


	2. Loneliness

_Wow. To say that I was excited about the response to the first chapter is an understatement. I was completely awestruck that this was so well-received. And I can't believe that I forgot to put the following in the first chapter. BIG thanks to Spirel, AnimeinAeternum, Asian Portia, and ladyro7 for their suggestions._

_And since my name hasn't changed since I posted the last chapter, I still don't own Harry Potter.__

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Loneliness

Voldemort glared menacingly at his arch rival and Harry Potter returned the stare.

"Do you have any last words Tom?" Harry asked.

"You talk like you're going to defeat me Harry."

"What makes you think that I won't?"

"I AM THE DARK VOLDEMORT! I have mastered magic you haven't even dreamed of!"

"Are you sure that this whole 'ruling the wizarding world' isn't just a way to compensate for your lonely childhood? That you never had any friends?" Harry casually commented.

"FOOLISHNESS! I have never needed anyone."

"Who are you trying to convince Tom? Us or yourself?"

Voldemort continued to stare at Harry, not a word being exchanged. After a few moments, Voldemort's bottom lip began to quiver and then he burst into tears.

"All I wanted was a friend!" he sobbed. "Just someone to share my feelings with. Is that so much to ask?"

"I'll be your friend," a dreamy voice piped up from the crowd.

The crowd parted and out came Luna Lovegood, slightly scruffed up from the fight but still looking as entranced as ever. Once reaching the edge of the crowd, she ran up to Voldemort and enveloped him in a hug.

"I feel warm and fuzzy," Voldemort commented. "Is this what it's like to be loved?"

"It gets even better," Luna said, smiling.

"I've been so wrong all my life. I want to live right. I want to be loved."

"There's always room for change," Luna replied.

She rose to her feet, taking Voldemort's hand in hers and Luna and Harry helped Voldemort in his first steps to the right path in life.

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_Just to let you all know, I probably won't update for a couple of weeks due to midterms and presentations and such. All the more reason to review. PLEASE give me a ray of sunlight in my insane stressfulness. _


	3. Harry Potter and the Deathly Allergies

_Well, here's the next chapter. Sorry about the delay. College is WAY too stressful and crazy. I actually shouldn't have even been doing this. Oh well. This is much more fun. I believe this idea came from Spirel or AnimeinAeternum so thanks to whichever came up with it. And thanks to all who have reviewed thus far. Oh, and for the sake of this chapter, Dobby didn't die._

_Disclaimer: see previous chapters._

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Allergies

The battle was long and arduous and it still wasn't over. Harry and Voldemort were still throwing spells at each other nonstop. A timeout was called on both sides to give the duellers some time to rest.

Bellatrix was massaging Voldemort's shoulders and trying to whisper helpful hints but he was just shooing her away with his hand.

Harry sat down on a conjured chair provided by Hermione and he hung his head, sweat framing his face. He wasn't sure what to do anymore. Suddenly, a small creature with bat-like ears sidled up next to Harry.

"Mister Harry Potter sir," Dobby began. "Dobby has it. Dobby has it."

"What do you mean?" Harry asked. "What do you have?"

"Dobby has the thing to defeat You-Know-Who," and Dobby held out a muffin.

Harry stared incredulously at the pastry in Dobby's hand and asked him, "Dobby, have you been drinking Butterbeer today?"

"No Mister Harry Potter sir. Dobby has not touched Butterbeer in many days."

Harry continued to stare at those tennis ball sized eyes and asked, "This is going to defeat Voldemort?"

"Yes."

"A muffin?"

"Yes."

"Dobby, how is a muffin going to defeat a wizard?!"

"You-Know-Who has allergies. Deathly allergies."

"Are you sure this will work, Dobby?"

Dobby nodded, his ears flapping. "Dobby always heard his old masters talking of not eating nuts before meetings with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."

Harry took another look at the muffin: cranberry and almond. He looked back at Dobby and his eyes were sure. Harry stood up and called the time out to an end. Hermione and Ron tried to talk him out of it, saying that it was ludicrous but he ignored their pleas.

Voldemort rose from his chair and Harry hid the muffin behind his back. They stood for a moment, staring at each other and suddenly started throwing spells at each other again.

As the spells were being fired back and forth, Harry inched forward toward Voldemort, knowing that he only had one shot. Using a small break in between Voldemort's spells, Harry lunged at Voldemort and hurled the muffin down his throat. The Dark Lord's eyes gaped and he started coughing and hacking up the muffin.

"NUTS! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!" Voldemort screamed. He started to shoot spells at Harry but he easily dodged them as Voldemort was quickly losing focus on the battle at hand. His spells became raspier in sound as Voldemort's throat closed up and finally collapsed and in a final twitch, Voldemort was dead.

Harry rushed over to the house elf and hoisted him upon his shoulders and Dobby was carried off amidst victory cheers.

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_Thanks for reading. Don't forget to review._


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